Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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