Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
