Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
