both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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