The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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