Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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