She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Soap is not a condiment
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
