did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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