Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
