So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
