i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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