So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
