You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
