Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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