Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
