Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
