What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
