My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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