And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
