i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
