Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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