Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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