I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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