i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
