I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
