note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
