is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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