OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
