you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
