this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
