The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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