She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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