I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
