No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
