Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
