My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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