it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
