Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
