Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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