Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
