I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
