I hate your face
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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