"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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