I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
