I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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