Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I forget how to act sober
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