Too much gin, very little bucket
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
