Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
