I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
