Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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