So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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